Streamlining the parenting experience:

Since the 1970’s the modern world witnessed a shift towards “child-centred parenting” as a popular parenting philosophy.

Instead of holding on to the old notion that children should be moulded into shape by their parents, the advocates of child-centred parenting believe every child should be allowed to find his or her own way from a very early age. From their perspective, the fact that children are inherently inquisitive, curious and born with an inner drive to learn and explore serves as a sign that they should be trusted to set their own pace on their developmental journey.

According to this way of thinking about parenting, parents don’t act in their children’s best interest when they set strict rules or have high expectations. Instead, they should take on a supportive role, treat their children as equals and focus on praising them unconditionally to build their self-esteem. 

When children express frustration or discomfort, it should be taken very seriously and they should get their way whenever possible. Parents also shouldn’t give too many instructions because, by doing so, they might stifle their child’s initiative and creativity. 

The basic premise is that children should be viewed as capable of blossoming into maturity at their own pace - in line with their own unique convictions, interests and personalities. 

In child-centred households, loving parents typically quickly turn into obedient parents.

Initially, the advocates of child-centred parenting were trying to encourage parents to move away from expecting blind obedience from their children, to being more considerate and loving towards them.¹  

Today, however, experts such as family therapists David Code and psychologist Dr Amanda Gummer, point out that an over-focus on children creates demanding, entitled offspring and anxious, exhausted parents. ² 

They say it’s simply not healthy when children hold priority over parents’ time, energy and attention.³

There is a difference between being “loving” and being “indulgent”. 

Children are observant and perceptive. They often take what they see and create meaning out of it, whether that meaning is right or wrong. Additionally, when a household is specifically centred on a child's wants, they may go out into the world thinking that this same rule applies.  

Parents who treat their children as equals don’t understand that parental authority is not only justified, but also needed.

According to Dr Mike Mascolo, psychologist and author of 8 Keys to Old School Parenting for Modern-Day Families, the problem with the notion that a child’s creativity and self-esteem will suffer unless they “figure things out for themselves” is that this belief prevents parents from providing their children with the direction and skills they need to become successful.¹ 

In Dr Mascolo’s words: “Children are not harmed by ‘too much direction’ quite the opposite. Children are harmed by well-intentioned parents who provide too little direction.”¹

Undeserved praise is unhealthy.
When children receive encouragement and praise regardless of the quality of their effort and work, they don’t learn to base their confidence on their actual level of competence. Consequently, they don’t develop the character and resilience they need to be successful in the real world.

As a result, researchers have reported in recent years that narcissism is rampant on campuses because parents work hard to convince their children from an early age that they are “a very special person” by virtue of simply being themselves.⁴

The answer is to adopt an authoritative parenting style.
The good news is that it’s possible for parents to embrace the fact that they have authority and power over their children while also being nurturing, responsive and supportive. Many parents naturally treat their children in this way, based on their own upbringing. Researchers say this parenting style holds benefits for both children and parents. 

Children raised by authoritative parents are more likely to become independent, self-reliant, socially accepted, academically successful, and well-behaved. They are also less likely to report depression and anxiety, and less likely to engage in antisocial behaviour like delinquency and drug use.⁵ 

What’s more, research suggests that having even just one authoritative parent can make a big difference in a child’s life.⁶

Here are a few tips to help you on your way. 
1.)    Stand your ground when you’re acting in your child’s best interests - even when they disagree and express unhappiness or frustration. Remind yourself that, as an adult, you have more experience and know more than they do. Moreover, it’s your responsibility as their parent to protect them against making immature and ill-informed decisions. It’s also your duty to teach them the skills and character traits they need be successful in the world.

2.)    Acknowledge their feelings when they disagree with you. This teaches them to deal with all types of feelings, as opposed to supressing the unpleasant ones. To avoid being harsh, you can say: “I get that you’re feeling unhappy and I understand why. But it’s still important for you to … get enough sleep / brush your teeth / tidy up. One of my jobs is to help you do the important things when they come up, so you need to do this”.

3.)    Don’t fall into the trap of feeling guilty when you need to upset or disappoint your child. Parents feel unsure when they think of their role in terms of being “a nice parent” or “a mean parent”. Being nice or mean is not the issue here. The question at hand is: “What is my child learning from this?” You can let this answer guide you and rest assured that you’re on the right track when they’re learning an important skill or something that is necessary for their character development. 

The role of a parent is special and unique. Your goal is not to be your child’s friend or to get them to like you. One day, when they look back, they will be thankful for the times when you bit the bullet. If you’ve raised them well, they will respect you for doing what was best for them at the time.
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NESTLÉ® NANKID® 4 would like to celebrate and support you as an engaged parent. 
We are ready to provide you with a milestone reminder tool that is available to the parents of 3- to 5-year-olds, free of charge. 
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We’ve also designed an inspiring printable poster to support you on your journey as a discerning parent. Enjoy! 

Please follow this link to download your poster. 
*Docosahexaenoic acid. 
IMPORTANT NOTICE. NESTLÉ® NANKID® 4 is not a breastmilk substitute and is formulated to support the changing needs of healthy children older than 3 years. 
Ogilvy October 2022

References:
1.    Mascolo M. The Failure of Child-Centered Parenting [Internet]. Psychology Today. 2015 [cited 11 August 2022]. Available from: https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/old-school-parenting-modern-day…
2.    2. Belkin L. David Code Says Parental Stress Makes Kids Sick [Internet]. HuffPost UK. 2012 [cited 11 August 2022]. Available from: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/stressed-parents-sick-kids_n_10753173.&n…;
3.    Gummer A. What is the Parent Centred Parenting Model? [Internet]. Dr Gummer's Good Play Guide. [cited 11 August 2022]. Available from: https://www.goodplayguide.com/parenting-tools-advice/what-is-the-parent…
4.    Vater A, Moritz S, et. al. Does a narcissism epidemic exist in modern western societies? Comparing narcissism and self-esteem in East and West Germany. PLOS ONE. 2018;13(1):e0188287. 
5.    Steinberg L. We Know Some Things: Parent-Adolescent Relationships in Retrospect and Prospect. Journal of Research on Adolescence. 2001;11(1):1-19. 
6.    Fletcher A, Steinberg L, et. al. Adolescents' Well-Being as a Function of Perceived Interparental Consistency. Journal of Marriage and the Family. 1999;61(3):599-610.